Things I'm Glad I'm Not

Due to be decapitated
Lazarus
A wench
A pamphlet
Cursed to forever speak ye olde english
Canned meat
Alone in the universe
A mannequin
The queen of some tiny, hardly noteworthy country
Dumb as a rock
A rock
A rock star
Bacon
Sir Francis Bacon
Named Francis
A bowling pin
The artist behind a political cartoon
A goldfish
Indebted to the mob
In Antarctica
Being held hostage
On a pirate ship
Buried up to my neck in sand
Stuck in a bottle
Allergic to chocolate
A clone
A dodo bird