Be Still

Let me tell you about being happy.

Not that that's a command. I won't be so presumptuous as to assume that I can command you to enjoy my enjoyment. And I put it in pink because that's how I feel, tickled.


A while back I posted about my "billboard." You just have to go back and read it because it's good - not the post itself, but it's content when paired with what I'm about to say.

Here's a link Banana - a type fruit, or a pudding. I seriously got chills when I reread it.

I mentioned in said post that there are times when you can think about what's going on and you just feel God in it. You just KNOW He was there and did that and it makes you feel just a little creeped out and a lot in awe. You kind of shiver and say, "Oh, You're good." 

But my happy thing:

Daddy gets a magazine in the mail from UAMS every so often, and a few weeks ago I picked it up for no apparent reason and started leafing through it. There was an article on Nurse Practitioners Specializing in Mental Health, which has a horrible acronym since it can't exactly be pronounced in any decent way. NPSMH nnnpuhsmmhuh…

I didn't know nurse practitioners could specialize. I had no idea this was even a thing. But sort of subconsciously something clicked I guess because from the moment I read that article I started picturing myself as that and nothing else. Not intentionally. I would think about something related to the future and realize I was thinking of that as a part of it. It's sort of like when you're dreaming and you realize you're dreaming and you kind of look around like "where on earth am I ???"

So a few days later I changed my major to nursing.

And I felt such a sense of relief. Momma's asked me about it a few times since then, and the best way I can think to explain it is this. When I started as a pre-med, I knew it wasn't what I wanted to do, but I didn't know what I DID want. Then I switched to psychology because that seemed closer to what I wanted to do. But the entire semester and a half that I was a psychology major, I felt uneasy. I worried that I had done the wrong thing in changing and I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed that God would just show me what to do. And then the incident. So I was listening. I'd done enough talking and now it was time for me to shut up and sit down. And I happened to sit down next to that journal.

I felt such peace when I finally calmed down and said, "Ok, I'll do it."

I don't know when I was last in a hospital. I see nurses all the time, but rarely in the line of duty. But I am certain. I can't remember the last time I was truly confident in something. Wait, yes I can. See Goofball.