Goofball

I have a certain subject that I like to talk about anytime, anywhere, to anybody...which is a big deal for me because I don't like to talk just a whole lot to most people. I'm always afraid that I seem rude or callous when I try to talk to people. I just don't know how to do it right. I'm about as clumsy verbally as I am physically.

But strike up a conversation with me about Ta and prepare for a deluge. I hope you brought popcorn. Not that it's that interesting, I just figure you'll probably want a snack at some point over the next three days.

I can honestly say I've never loved anything the way I do him. I adore that boy, and it's not an overstatement.

And I know that I'm young and (probably, although I'm not going to completely admit to it because I'm also a little stubborn) foolish, but when you know you just know right?

They don't have a word for what he is to me. In common vernacular, he's my boyfriend, but I don't like that word. He is my best friend, and he does happen to be male, but he's more than that. He's my confidant, my knight in shining armor, my go-to and support. He's my sounding board, one of my biggest fans, and my reprimander when need be. There are other people who hold some of these titles, other people who are terribly dear to me who love me very much, and I them. But he's just different.

There are certain fundamental things that you just live accepting. The sky is blue. Somebody told you that once and you didn't question it, you just accepted it. You breathe air. You eat food. For me another one is Ta. He's just a part of normal.

And he's the best whatever he is that I could ever want. 

He makes me laugh. All the time. Almost constantly. I know part of it is my absolutely dreadful sense of humor, but he also tries really hard to amuse me, and that in itself makes me smile.

He wants to make me happy. And I know this both because he's told me many times and because he shows it so well. I, among others, have accused him of being about as romantic as a root canal, but he really is a big sweetheart if you know how to look for it. 

We've grown together, and I mean that both like we've each grown in the time that we've been together, and like the way two branches of a tree can fuse if they're held together long enough. We've both changed drastically, and it's exciting to look back and see it, and it's exciting to look forward and know that we will continue to do so. 

He's not afraid of talking about the future anymore. In fact, he brings it up probably as much as I do. He'll rub my feet and let me have a sip of his drink and I'm pretty sure he'd hold my hair back if I ever had to throw up around him. Which are all really big things for him. And I've changed too, but I think mine were in ways a lot less openly evident. 

He makes me stronger. He makes me feel beautiful even when I don't want to. He makes me believe in myself.

He makes me feel closer to God for many reasons. Not the least of which is that he really is one of the best people I've ever met. And for all of you saying "uh huh, yeah, that's what you think," you are correct, I do think it. He is well-behaved and respectful of me. He prays. He has his shortcomings, and I'm equally aware of them. But he's a truly good person, and I admire him a lot. It makes me try harder to be a little better myself. And it makes me happy to know that we both try to put God first in everything we do. I feel like that makes us stronger every day.

And I'm not going to lie. I have wondered before if I'm absolutely sure. But every time I have, something's made me sure again very quickly. I know he's not perfect, but neither am I. He loves me a whole lot and that makes me happy. And I love him a whole lot too and that makes me very happy. 

Four years isn't really a long time. It's very brief in the overall span of things, but a lot can happen in one day, much less 1,495 of them. And I like the days he's in. I'd really like a lot more with him, that goofball I adore.